Friends, Tragedies, and Life
Updated: Jan 7, 2020
I am putting together a list of Triggers that bring out the pain of losing Terry. One of the items that I added recently is Tragedies occurring to those around me.
In the past few months, I lost my cousin, and my favorite uncle. A retired fire chief that I worked with (and, who had moved into the same community as Terry and I) passed. A special lady in our life group has similar foot issues as what Terry had. Another friend had a stroke, another recently was diagnosed with colon cancer, and another collapsed while at work and suffered some form of blockage that resembled a stroke.
Each of these events are triggers for the pain that I am working on. I don’t mean to diminish the pain and how this impacts these people at all. I am often described as an enabler. So, when I hear of my friends tragedies, I want to take the pain from them as much as they can. Yet, at the same time, their pain stimulates feelings, memories in me, and often my reaction is a step back in processing my own grief.
As I walk this journey towards God’s new chapter in my life, I am beginning to come to grips with the many waves of emotions that crash over me. While others tragedies trigger another wave of pain, the enabler in me wants to push the wave aside and be there for them.
Mostly I can’t. I can’t to the degree that I would like. I can, however, use these waves as a sort of power. To power my own steps on this journey.
First, I give myself the time to feel. I feel their pain alongside of my pain. This gives me what may be called a “Prayer Reality”. The prayer that I will offer up is probably the most sincere prayer that I have ever had; after all, I am praying from their perspective that is aligned to my own experience.
While my natural instinct is to run out and help/hold/support them, some of these experiences are still too close to my own experiences. So, I may have to resist this urge and find other means to support them; even if it means lifting them up in prayer.
“The steps of a righteous man are ordered of God” (Psalm 37:23). God scripts the chapters of our lives, and it is up to us to travel the journey that God has scripted out for us. As these triggers occur, I need to seek God’s will for me and what I can do to satisfy this urge to be there, to care, to help. If I listen, He will answer. Even if it does bring out some more pain, the pain is God’s way of helping me move forward.