Updated: Jan 7, 2020
Today, someone who I have considered a friend told me that it was time for me “to get over it”. That really threw me for a loop. After all, that was the first time that someone has said that to me. It really struck me hard, and frankly, it set off some very strong, negative emotions towards this statement. It’s probably safe to say, that my day got really messed up by this statement.
Now, having processed this for the better part of a day, I am fairly certain he just didn’t know what to say when I tried to open up a bit to him.
Thank you to all of my friends. I choose to use this experience as a growth opportunity. I will probably still have some shields up for a while. But, as I shared, I will/am continue moving forward. Terry was so much of my life, that I will never get over her. She was so much of my life that she will alway be part of my new journey.
Please take a moment to read the rest of this post. I am copying a clip that, perhaps explains (a bit) how something like this affects those of us that are grieving. Terry always brought out the best in me, so I want to use this to bring out the best in me.
“Get Over It!”
No caring person wants to see another suffering. We naturally want them to feel better! After an arbitrary amount of time, many think that the passage of that time should somehow make a difference in how the griever is responding to their loss. This is frequently when people tell them that they need to “Get over it!” The reality is that when something major happens in our lives, we never “get over” it. The memories of that event will be with us forever. With the proper education and assistance, we can learn to “survive and thrive” in spite of that event. Our God is the God of peace and grace. Grace I seek, Grace I need to give.
Telling someone to get over it is often perceived as telling that person that the loss they experienced is not significant enough that it should continue to impact their life. If that loss was significant enough to cause grief, it will continue to impact their life on some level. The degree of the impact is not controlled by time. Time only passes by and sets that emotional pain into place as part of their “new normal”. When that happens, not only does the griever not get over it, but rather continues to live that pain silently. They start stuffing their feelings to avoid hearing this painful suggestion again and again.
A far better thing to do is to let them know that it is possible to take grief recovery action to lessen that emotional pain. By taking such action, they will be able, once again, to enjoy the many positive memories of that relationship.