Some words from your daughter
Hey my beautiful mommy. I guess you got the official invite to Jesus’ birthday party. I guess he felt you needed to be there to help him celebrate his birth.
I guess he felt your pain and suffering on earth needed to stop, so he too u home into his loving arms.
I’m happy your not suffering anymore. but, I sure miss your face and your voice, I know you don’t want us to cry over u, because I’m sure your partying it up there and feeling like a teenager again.
I wish heaven had a phone line or visiting hours.
I’d even be OK with smail mail.
We miss you like crazy my beautiful mama you are ow a beautiful angel and I hope you continue to look over us all and let us know your around once in awhile.
Please tell God to help daddy through this and guide him in what he’s supposed to do and help him feel better. I’m worried about him.
Anyways mama, I love you so much. Thank you for being the best mom anyone could ask for. I love you more than the moon and the stars my sweet mama.
Merry Christmas, beautiful mama.
YOU NEVER SAID GOODBYE
You Never Said Goodbye
You never said I’m leaving
You never said goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knew why.
A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn’t go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.
Good night my sweet angel. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about you. I talk to you all the time.
I hope you can hear me. We have a lot of support from family and friends. You were so loved by so many.
But most of all from dad, me , chris, and your beautiful grand baby’s. Tomorrow Dad, Chris, Daniel, and I are gonna go celebrate my birthday and Daniels birthday.
I hope you join us. I’m sure we will share some memories of you and talk about how much we love you. I’m so lucky to of had you as my mom and I wish I could have kept you longer. But, I know you are in a better place, and shining bright in the sky.
I take comfort knowing you were not scared to go to heaven. We had several talks about this. Remember to send us butterfly’s (purple ones) like we discussed. I love you my sweet angel mama.
Mom, we went and had our traditional bday dinner at Outback with Dad, Chris, and Daniel.
It was nice to be there as a family. We missed you and talked about you. Dad is coping by going through family pics and working on your Celebration of Life.
Chris seems to be OK, but I think he’s trying the tough guy act.
Today was a hard day for me. I was very cranky today and not really sure why. Could be just part of the grieving process.
I start work again tomorrow and am nervous if I can handle it.
Audrey has me worried. Wish you could talk to her and tell her its gonna be ok. I don’t know that to do about her. Lillian misses you and talks about you. Anyways sweet mama, I love you so much and miss you terribly. Good night my sweet angel.
Hi mama, I went back to work today and I’m glad I did. It was a nice distraction from missing you. I had a lot of love and support there. But, now that I’m home the sadness is kickingin again. At work, I’m training in the clinic again. So it keeps my mind occupied. But, when I get home, I just start thinking about you and I muss you so much. It’s hard to believe your gone. I love you so much my sweet mama. Goodnight.
Mom, tonight I’m confused and mad at myself. I’ve got 1000’s upon 1000’s of pics and I can’t find one of you and Johnathan or a selfie of you to as I like to call it. How could I have forgotten to get more pics of you two.
I’ve been searching. I swear I had some of you and him. But, I can’t find none anywhere. How do I let this regret go.
I miss you so much and this hole in my heart won’t go away. I’m having regrets. I should have called you more or gone to see you more or more pictures with the kids. I know you have talked to me twice and I appreciate it. I wasn’t ready to lose you. I wish I could turn back time. I don’t want to feel this sadness anymore mama. I just want to see you again. I love You.
Happy New Years mama, I didn’t think this was going to be the year. I brought in a New Year without you. This past week has been really hard. I’m missing you so much. You were my favorite hello and hardest goodbye I went and seen dad today and we talked about you. Shared memories of you. I want to see him whenever I can and being at your house I feel you. I like to sit in your office because that’s where I feel you. I talk to Uncle Mark and for some reason it makes me feel closer to you. I love you mama.
January 1, 2017
Mama, today there was barely any tears I’m not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing. I have felt some angry emotions, there is still sadness and definitely missing you. I’m worried about Audrey. I think today is the first day she’s really allowed herself to feel. And she’s not quite as strong as me, dad, and Chris. Wrap your arms around her please.
We went up to the mountains today and the beauty reminded me of you. It’s something you would have enjoyed. The ice, the snow, the river, it was just beautiful. We all decided on the necklaces we want to keep you near us. And Johnny is going to get a knife when he is older with your fingerprint.
I still can’t find very many pics with you and him. It bothers me. But, I’m gonna have to let it go, otherwise it will tear me up. There’s so many regrets. I have to let go of and just be thankful for what I do have. The memories of you and us and the family togetherness we had. The happy times, our last face time is what I like to focus on. It was like our last shopping trip together and I’ll never forte it. If I’d of known that was the last time I was going to talk to you, I would have stayed parked and talked to you longer. But, at least I have what I go. I got 33 years to know you, to love you, and spend time with you. Thank you for alway loving me and being by my side. I love you my angel mama.
January 2, 2017
Good night my sweet angel. I love and miss you very much.
I love you mama. Today, we ordered the necklaces for your ashes and a ring for dad and a knife with your thumb print on it for Chris and Johnny. I’m having a hard time believing your gone. That I’ll never hear you talk to me again, that I can’t call you and just vent, or see your beautiful smile when I call you mama. I got a raise today, mama, I went from 11 to 12.25. It’s pretty exciting. I wanted to call and tell you. Then I remembered, I can’t call you anymore and it hurts, my heart hurts, and aches to talk to you again I wish you hadn’t been dealt this sick card where you lived like this. I wish you could have just been healthy and lived until you were 100. I love you my sweet angel mama. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. I need you.
January 4, 2017
I’m really missing you today mama. I love you.
Today was hard. I got to talk to someone about the details of that night. Maye it will be good for me in the end. But it was so hard to talk about. I muss you and feel like I’m never gonna get this hole out of my heart. It makes me angry. I’m not ready to say good bye to you. I want to come see you. I want to feel your hand on mine. I love you to the moon and back my angel mama.
January 6, 2017
Can’t sleep tonight mama. I miss you and can’t stop thinking about you. There’s a hole in my heart and my body aches wanting to talk to you again. Thinking that I have to go on without you. I’m trying to be positive and think that you aren’t suffering anymore. But, I am selfish and just want you back. I get that you weren’t living life. But, I’m selfish and want to keep you. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this. The pain is just too real this just hurts too much. I need you. I love you my sweet sweet mama.
January 8, 2017
Hi mama. The past two day hasn’t been so bad. I have my moments, but it is bearable. Dad took me and the older girls shopping today to find outfits for your memorial. We got ta lot of snow today. Hope you can see it from heaven. I miss you mama. I love you so much.
Love you more.
January 13, 2017
When I think about not hearing your voice anymore, or getting a face Time I cringe. It’s like my soul dies a little inside. Night times are the worst. It’s when everyone is sleeping and my mind starts racing and my heart starts missing you the most. I just want my healthy mommy back. It’s unfair. Tonight is hard. I’m just so lost without you. I love you more.
January 15, 2017
Yesterday was your memorial It was so hard. And it was been harder to put on brave, strong face. I hung out with your brother Mark and Trevor most of the time. Mark reminds me of you and I feel comfortable talking to him I’m hoping him and I can bond more because I feel he is all I have left of you.
I can’t shake the feeling of feeling gypped Like how could I have not gotten more time with you. Why did this disease have to take you from me. Why couldn’t you have lived to be older and healthier. It’s not fair and my heart is hurting. They say time will heal you , but I feel I’m still in the same amount of pain. Just better at hiding it. I still feel this hole in my heart and soul and the thought of never face timing with you again or hiding your hand kills me inside. I just want my mama back. Why did I get this shitty card. What did I do so bat to have this happen to me. It’s not fare.
January 20, 2017
Hi mama. I think of you daily. Sometimes it’s bearable, sometimes memories start flooding in on things we used to do. Or, how you always held my hand. I can’t look at your pics right now. It’s too hard. I hope soon that I can because I miss your face. I miss our face time or little visits. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. Yesterday I remembered how excited you were for Christmas and it hurt my heart that you weren’t physically with us. I find myself trying to swallow this pain and just move on. But, I look around and feel like my whole world has stood still. And I just can’t move on. I love and miss you tons.
January 26, 2017
Mama, I still miss you. But, today was able to talk about you or go to your house without crying. I talked to you there. Did you hear me? I’ve been praying a lot and feel God is comforting me today. I remembered how soft your hands were. I miss holding your hand. I miss your smile. I’m going to do a scrap book with the kids so they can look at your pictures. I think they’ll like that. I love you mama.
I guess some days are gonna be good and some are gonna suck. Today was hard again. Not really sure why. Just memories would flood my mind and i’t really start to miss you. Today, I she some tears I really want you back. It’s really weird to think that you are gone. Death is such a permanent thing and I don’t like it. Maybe it’s cause I’m sick and want my mommy. I miss my best friend. I really don’t want to feel this way anymore. It’s too painful. I love you.
February 2, 2017
Thinking about you tonight. Went through some of your pictures. But, it just still causes me too much pain. This pill is just too hared to swallow. And, I wish I could wake up from this bad dream. I miss you too much. Will this pain ever go away? I love you.